be patient with me tonight...i am just going to blog some thoughts that I have floating around in my head....

I went to a book store today and bought some new books. I know I shouldnt have but I did. I bought Elisabeth Elliot's book "Passion and Purity" (I started this book and i greatly enjoy it. will write more on this book when i finish it). I also bought two Max Lucado book "The Applause of Heaven" and "Come Thirsty." I read "In the Grips of Grace" this summer and I greatly enjoy the book. I have desired to reading more of his work. These two books seem to somewhat deal with whats happening in my life. With the "Come Thirsty" book I received a free plague with a prayer on it that I want to sure with you.

"Lord, I come thirsty. I come to the well to receive. I receive your work on the cross. My sins are pardoned and my death is defeated. I receive your energy. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I receive your Lordship. I belong to you. You look at for me. I receive your Love. Nothing can separate from your Love" -Max Lucado

I was blessed last night. I found out that a girl I work with is going to the Assmeblies of God seminary here in town to get her Masters of divinity. She wants to go into missions. We talked for some time last night and talked about work. Tonight I went to a weds night prayer meeting with her at a church.It was a blast. I was reminded of so much tonight. God has definately blessed me by allowing her and I to have some time to talk. He has answered one of my prayers too.

God as loved each one of us more than He has loved anyone else. That was said tonight at the service. I was a little confused at first but oh well. God does love each and everyone of us. He loved us soo much that He sent His Son to die for us so that we can have everlasting life with him. the worship was awesome tonight. The songs remind me that even though we go through trouble and trailing times, God is there right besides us. He is there with us through the valleys and through the good times.

I realized something tonight about myself. I realized that I still have some anger and bitterness in my heart towards God for taking away Jesse, my dad's uncle, my mom's dad. and for my dad's mom to have cancer. Even though jesse's death was in January. I still have not completely gotten over it. I guess it is just hard when you have to deal with so many shocks in one year like I have. When I was at home this summer, it felt like Jesse was in KS with his sister and I would see him at Christmas time. But that is not true. I will see him again one day. I still do not understand why but I am accepting it. God will give me the answers one day to my "whys."

Maybe I should write out my favorite verses and tape them to my bathroom mirror.

Verses like:

"Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not on your own understandings and in all your ways acknowledge him and he will guide your paths."

"As the deer pantheth for the water so my soul longeth for you."

"Cast all your cares upon him"

"Do not be anxious about anything but in prayer and petition let you requests be made known to God."

"Pray without ceasing"

Well, I need to do some studying. I have those two tests tomorrow. I also have a meeting with that advisor of mine. Lets see what he advises me to do that I wont listen to.

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ok ok...here is a long awaited post....life has been extremely busy for me with still working unconsistant hours. But also working till midnight one night and then working at 4am two days in a row. Tonight and tomorrow night I work till midnight again. My body is soo messed up. I could not stay awake last night at all. You were lucky if you reveiced like 5 mins of my attention.

Well with school. Yeah. I have not even looked at anything dealing with school because of not sleeping. I do have two tests this thursday that I need to study for. Yeah. I need to study but I wont be able to really study until between classes tuesday. Man, I also need to wrok on a book review and start my papers that I have been wanting to start but have not been able to start. Totally stinks. I am going to try this weekend. One of them is due the week of thanksgiving. I have to register for classes soon. I might have an easier busier schedule next semester. If everything goes well, I should have a class at 9 on MWF and two classes at 6:30-9:30 again. I know I will have one weds but I dont really remember when the other one is. It was late at night I was looking at. I have to register at 8am nov 1.

Ok. I went back to texas last weekend. It was different being back. What had been my home for 3 years no longer is home even though I left it in May. It felt stranged to be on campus again. I felt older and out of place. Even though I am not old. I dont know how to explain it. I have been trying to think about how to explain what I felt, but its soo hard to. Anyways, I enjoyed seeing all my friends again. And enjoyed the girl night that I was able to have. Oh that was soo much fun. I was also allowed to have a really good and honest conversation with a friend. I was blessed by him and blessed with the time that I was able to have with my friends.

Sometimes, I wonder if people can see that I am different through the way I act and through the way I talk. I like people to know there is a difference in who I am. I want my actions to speak loud. I want people to know the Love of Christ through me and through the way I act. I remember a song that I used to sing as a kid, "They will know we are Christians through our love." I want people to know that I am a Christian through God's Love in my life. I remember other songs that I sung as a kid. Like "Cant get to heaven on rollerblades" "Rise and Shine" All the Psalty Songs. I think we need to be reminded of those songs. These songs arent just for kids but for everyone.